Bruce and Original Thomas On a couples Cruise...

Bruce tried to get the trip switched to a singles cruise…it was a dream vacation for A COUPLE, and had originally been intended for Bruce and his then wife. 4 days cruising to the Bahamas and 4 days in Disney world in a Honeymoon suite at a Disney resort hotel. But a few weeks before their departure , the two split, since his wife left him for a personal trainer named Apollo! (AS a side note, twice now Bruce has been left by his wives for their personal trainer/male stripper- lovers…what the hell?)
I was invited on the trip as a last minute replacement. I had not been on a cruise at the time, and being self employed I was the most flexible of Bruce's friends. So I agreed to go….The travel agent had said with such short notice we might be able to be switched to a singles cruise for a $ 100 fee….
That did not happen. WE, two, straight, twenty something men, were committed to a Couples cruise on the "Big Red Boat" of Disney Travel. It soon became a Mickey Mouse affair! (No not that kind of affair).
WE flew to Orlando as set on our itinerary, rented a car, and headed to the port…Canaveral I think.
First thing you do when you check into a cruise is to meet the staff at check in tables and see a diagram of the ship, be assigned a room, and handed a ton of rules and paperwork, as well as a rum punch. WE drank lots of rum punch that trip, but never so much as to actually present ourselves as a couple….
WE had to get to our room and find our bags there, then rush off to the "life Boat drill". Our room number was Cabin 69. A moderate priced room with two twin beds, that could be pushed romantically together, and "bridged" if we just let the staff know we wanted to be romantically pushed together!
Initially we thought little of the Cabin Number. That would soon change. WE barely got the cabin settled than it was time for the lifeboat drills. We got our lifejackets from under our "push together beds" . They were those basic, adult sized orange contraptions, though the way they were faded, they sure looked PINK to this cowboy. To make it worse, we were in a hurry and the two sets of straps were entangled in a hopelessly kinky mess. (Pun intended)
WE finally got them "separated" ………..Like Bruce, and put them on. By now the Free rum punch in my hand was Number 5 or 6...(hey its free). Its PINK, but its free.
We take some of the nightly scheduled activities sheets with us , as we seek out our Lifeboat. Two macho single guys, with Shorts, sandals, T shirts, Pink Life Jackets, and Pink FREE Rum punches…on a couples cruise.
Turns out we were the first to the life boat report station, so we naturally re-filled our pink rum punches. And waited. Somehow, since we were so buzzed, we failed to notice the other 73 Passengers that had formed up behind us, awaiting our crew member that was to give us instructions on how to get on the life boat in a real emergency.

When he arrived, he immediately announced that we were to separate into two groups: Husbands/Boyfriends on the Left, Wives and Girlfriends on the right.
Much like the red sea, (Though since the sun was setting behind the lifeboat, it too looked Pink), the crowd parted as instructed…….leaving Bruce and I standing in our same spot, side by side…..

I had my drink in one hand, he had his drink in one hand. I had the social events list in the other (where I had come across great news!, There was a singles mixer at 9 PM in a side bar/lounge)……. He looked toward the Husband/Boyfriends, I looked toward the Wife/Girlfriends. Then I looked the opposite way toward my own gender, he toward the females…
We repeated this several times, not sure what to do, and then the laughter started. Quietly at first, then louder still…..people were pointing at us! As Bruce windmilled back and forth, maintaining his drunken gender preference confusion, I realized, that prominently stenciled on the back of each of the collars of our PINK Life vests, was our cabin number.
69
The crew member suggested we both go to the men's side of the division and that the segregation was to allow women to board the life boat first. One of the guys cracked that if we wanted to, one or both of us could move to the women's group….
Now, 73 passengers out of 1100 knew that two men, in Cabin 69, were on a couples cruise together…..The Big Red boat had not even left the dock!
AS soon as the drill was over, we took off the pink-like Mae Wests (Hey that's what the damn things are called). Naturally we had to get fresh rum punches, and get back to our room for a formal seating at dinner. Luckily we chose the earlier seating , because we wanted to make it to the singles mixer. All we needed was for there to be two or more single women on board…..just two.
The ship leaves the dock, as we head to dinner. WE find a large table assigned to us, that holds 16 people. Bruce, Me, 14 others…..they slowly get seated. Bruce orders a martini. AS if we are not drunk enough. I stick to the rum punch, worried I might throw up on the only single woman on board in a few hours, and really blow it, so to speak. We are sat with 7 couples. 2 couples are from spain. The girls are HOT. I mean Hot. Only one of the 4 Spaniards can speak English. The hottest girl of course. Later she explains that normally her boyfriend would be jealous at how much she and Bruce and I talk, but that he is not worried since we are no doubt GAY!
The other 5 couples, all from New York, and all New York cops, are part of a huge wedding party that decided to combine the honeymoon and a group trip. Two of the guys are brothers. Initially, their wives and girl friends do all the talking to us. The men talk among themselves. And attempt to talk to the two Spanish males, who don't speak English!
Our main waiter, and his table assistant present themselves. Our waiter says his name is Orkin, like the "bug killing guy", and that he is from Greece. He will wait on us for the entire trip, we are told, and so he must record our cabin numbers for the end of the trip, when we are to tip him and his table assistant heavily. He guarantees us the best service any of us ever experienced.
He works his way around the table starting with the couple near Bruce, and heads the other way. WE are last. I can see it coming, but not in the way it comes off…..
Finally he gets to me, looks at Bruce, looks at me…..smiles a half smile and says: "What is your Cabin Number sir? I quietly look right at him and say: "Cabin 69".
He replies: "Cabin 69?!?!?" SO LOUD THE WHOLE dining room with 500 guests and all the staff hear it!
Immediately, from all corners of the room, from every waiter and Table Helper (nearly 100 guys), they YELL in UNISON: " WE DON"T HAVE a Cabin 69!"
There is a roar of laughter, and clapping and celebrating . Especially ORKIN and his table helper. These dudes are nearly Orgasmic over their good fortune. I mean they are patting us on the back, and high fiving each other and every thing.
Turns out, that each cruise, the staff in the dining room pool together $500 and whoever ends up with the couple from Cabin 69 at their table, wins the POT! Upon learning this I make sure to mention to Orkin, that Bruce and I may pass on tipping him for his one of a kind service.
NOW. 550 Of the 1100 Passengers know that two men are on a couples cruise and staying in Cabin 69. Thanks Orkin. I have still not forgiven you.
Normally when people check in, we later learn, the kind of couple that usually gets placed in Cabin 69 is the most naïve newlyweds. But Bruce and I, together, were too good to pass up. We were tickled Pink. NOT!
Mercifully the dinner is over, and we leave feeling as if we have sufficiently convinced the 5 NYC cops we are NOT gay. Who knows, who cares. I need another rum punch, and to find this damn lounge where the singles mixer is happening.
I don't care if it's a bunch of single 70 year old Lesbians with Penis envy. I am ready to prove my manhood now!
We get to the little Piano Bar where the mixer has already started. We are the last guys there. Good News: WE are the ONLY GUYS there except for one bartender serving, believe it or not 20 single women. More Good news: While none of them appear to be Lesbian, and none of them have overt penis envy, some definitely have young guy penis lust!
There is bad news too however.
Part of my wish does come true. All but two of the 20 women are over 70. The two younger ones are 65.….and you guessed it 69!